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It’s important not to let the situation fester for a long time without talking about it. Be honest and up-front about how difficult it is for you to discuss it—and then start talking. The longer you wait, the more opportunity there will be for bad feelings to develop.

This happened to Walt, a field supervisor for a large private utility, and Becky, his wife of 20 years, who ran her own crafts business. They were a happy couple with three children in high school. Walt, a muscular, physically-fit man spent his free time on family activities and kept his small farm running smoothly. Sex was very important to him, and he took pride in the fact that he and his wife had an active, satisfying sexual relationship. Walt was the kind of man who never was sick, but after his

42nd birthday he developed a severe infection in his bladder. Excruciating pain forced him to go to the doctor, but the infection proved stubborn and remarkably resistant to treatment. In rare cases, such a condition can infect a testicle, and that’s what happened to Walt. Although he was given an antibiotic that ultimately cleared up the bladder infection, the infected testicle could not be saved and had to be surgically removed.

The removal of just one testicle does not affect a man’s ability to have an erection, or reduce his chances of fathering a child. The other testicle simply picks up the testosterone-producing and sperm-manufacturing functions of the missing organ.

But for Walt, who took such pride in the appearance of his body, losing one testicle was an enormous shock. Physically, he recovered from the operation, but he was beset with anxiety and fear. Walt felt that a vital and essential part of himself was missing. For the first time in his life, this man began to have trouble maintaining an erection. When Walt started to have intercourse, his erection would disappear.

Becky was totally unprepared for this turn of events. Sometimes she became very disappointed when Walt lost his erection while she was sexually aroused. She didn’t understand the reasons for the sudden change in her husband (neither did he), and sometimes she became angry.

Even now, several years later, Walt becomes upset when he remembers what happened. “My erections went away overnight.” He became more and more troubled and increasingly fearful of trying to have intercourse.

This was an enormous and painful change for Walt and Becky, who considered sex a major and important part of their relationship. But even though the problem continued, they didn’t talk about it. Instead, Walt put his energies into avoiding sex— and his wife. He put in long hours at work, and when he was home became extremely creative in finding reasons to stay away from Becky. “I didn’t want to start anything I couldn’t finish,” he says,

It seems clear from Walt’s story that his erection problem was psychological, not physical. When his anxieties about the loss of his testicle first surfaced, he could have been helped by some intensive, short-term counseling aimed at reassuring him that he was just as capable of having an erection as he ever had been. Perhaps Walt needed to mourn the loss of a part of his body that was important to him. He also could have had his missing testicle replaced by a lifelike artificial one which would have given him the appearance he valued so highly.

But unfortunately, Walt did not seek out and did not receive help. And neither did Becky. In fact, they went for three years without consulting anyone. That’s a long time to go without sex, and Becky and Walt were living together without physical affection of any kind, without much warmth or tenderness and with limited communication.

Going into the fourth year of the problem, Walt finally mentioned it to his family doctor. By then, however, the damage to the marriage was irreparable. Although Walt ultimately was able to regain his potency, he and Becky separated.

Even now it is difficult for Walt to talk about his experience. “My wife is a good woman,” he says with apparent pain. “But she couldn’t put up with my problems. If I had to do it over again, I’d get help sooner,” That’s good advice from someone who knows.

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In fact, it’s estimated that a million and a half American men can blame their erection problems on arteries and veins that don’t work properly. In one autopsy study, all men over age 38 had some narrowing of the arteries to the penis. Fortunately, however, that can largely be prevented with a healthy diet, proper exercise and general good health habits. (A small number of arterial-blockage cases occur when a man suffers a major trauma, such as an accident.) Some relatively rare diseases, like lupus, which affect the arterial system as well as other parts of the body, can also short-circuit erections by interfering with the blood-flow system.

Despite what you may have heard, even young men can have arterial disease, although it may take years before the damage presents itself in the form of erection problems or heart attacks. If you do develop blockage in the arteries supplying the penis, help is available. Usually, an implant will be the treatment of choice, but some patients can benefit from having a surgical bypass of the penile arteries.

Arteries, though, are only half the story—the way the blood enters the penis. But the blood has to stay there for you to be potent. For that you need healthy veins.

For years, doctors thought only malfunctioning arteries deserved the blame for blood-flow problems in the penis, but now doctors have found that many men suffering erection problems can place the blame on their veins. Why?

When a man’s penis is flaccid, the veins keep the blood flowing out of the organ as part of the normal blood circulation. But during erection, the veins, squeezed by the blood-filled sinuses, must shut down partially to keep blood in the penis so it will stay firm and erect. If the veins don’t shut down as they’re supposed to, a man will experience a disheartening situation. He may get no erection at all; he may find himself with an erection which just never gets really firm or he may get an erection that disappears before he and his partner have a chance to enjoy it. What causes this discouraging condition? Apparently, some men are born with leaky veins; their veins never or almost never function properly.

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As a man goes into his later years, he may find a difference in the firmness of erections. Men over age 60 frequently have slightly less firm erections. By itself, this small change usually poses no problem. Older women, however, often have less vaginal lubrication, another natural result of aging. The combination of a slightly less firm penis with a drier vagina can make intercourse difficult. But a solution is readily at hand: use of a water-based lubricant. The problem we’re describing is definitely not impotence.

Unlike men in their mid-years who ejaculate with less force, some older men may find they have intercourse with no ejaculation at all. Some men are bothered by this change; for others, it’s of little consequence. The plus to this situation, of course, is that these men can enjoy intercourse for longer periods of time.

After ejaculation, the older man will lose his erection more quickly than he did in his younger years. A young man might find himself with an erection even after ejaculation, but this is certainly not typical of a man in his 50′s or older.

One change which comes naturally with age is especially significant. The time period between erections increases. Noticeably. Understandably, this is probably the most disturbing and unwanted change. For some men in their 60′s, it may be hours between erections, even with stimulation. For others, it may be days. There’s a lot of individual variation, but the general trend is more time between erections. This is normal and does not mean the man is impotent. Try thinking of this as a resting time from intercourse, but not from other types of sexual activity,

These changes appear gradually in healthy men, overtime. For some men, they come on so slowly they are hardly noticeable.

So, for the most part, these changes shouldn’t pose a problem for the well-informed man and his partner. And understanding how the penis becomes erect can actually add to your enjoyment—and that of your partner.

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What the majority of men don’t seem to understand is that during foreplay the progress from kissing and cuddling to caressing the breasts, nipples and clitoris is not only very exciting and pleasurable for a woman, and incidentally to most men, it is absolutely necessary for a woman’s arousal, and crucial to her pleasure and satisfaction. Without it, a woman is not sexually aroused or an uninhibited participant, and is not even physiologically ready. But, worse, after sexual intercourse she is unsatisfied and resentful and remains wide awake while her partner turns over and goes to sleep. Men and women are mismatched in this respect because a man is much more easily and quickly aroused, and reaches orgasm in a very short time in almost any situation. Is it any wonder that sex can end up being a battleground, very often of unspoken resentments and hostilities, and becomes more and more uninteresting and infrequent.

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The easiest way for a man to find out how a woman likes to be stimulated, and how much stimulation is necessary, is to study how women masturbate. Some women, however, especially those who may have guilty feelings about self-pleasuring, prefer to be masturbated by their partners. Many women do it at particular times, such as while they are menstruating, and keep it secret from their partners. Others may indulge in it routinely as a way of relieving sexual tension. Because direct and continued genital stimulation is so necessary to a woman’s orgasm, some women use self-masturbation as a way of guaranteeing that they reach a climax while having sexual intercourse.

In fact, since only about 30 percent of women achieve orgasm with intercourse but over 80 percent experience a climax with masturbation, orgasm by means of masturbation, rather than by sexual intercourse, should be regarded as the normal experience.

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1 Stand naked in front of a full-length mirror and take the time to examine your body carefully,

from head to toe as though you were seeing yourself for the first time. Use another mirror to

see yourself from the side or back.

2 Move around. Kneel, bend and sit with your legs apart, then together.

3 Concentrate on your best points; you are bound to have some. The shapeliness of your legs, the

length of your neck, high cheekbones, or dainty feet, for example.

4 Reconsider the features that you dislike and try to see them in a more positive light. For

instance, although you may think that you are fatter than the ideal, you may have a

Rubenesque physique that is attractive to men.

5 Using a hand mirror, and in the best possible light, examine your vagina. Identify your

different parts. In order to see and touch the clitoris properly, you will need to pull back the

hood of skin covering it. You can run your fingers along the inner and outer vaginal lips and

back along the area between the anus and vagina to find the more sensitive areas. Separate the

inner lips in order to explore the entrance to the vagina and inside.

6 When you have finished, take a warm bath. Soap your hands and explore your body with them,

noticing the different sensations you experience in all your body areas by changes in touch and

pressure.

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The “G” spot appears to be a small cluster of nerve endings, glands, ducts and blood vessels sited around a woman’s urethra, or urinary tract. This area cannot normally be felt when the woman is unaroused, only becoming distinguishable as a specific area during deep vaginal stimulation. When this happens it swells, sometimes very rapidly, and a small mass with distinct edges stands out from the vaginal wall. As it seems to have no organic function other than helping a woman achieve a high degree of sexual fulfilment and, at orgasm, can appear to “ejaculate” a clear liquid similar in composition to that created by the prostate, some experts think that the “G” spot is a rudimentary form of the male prostate gland.

The easiest way for a woman to find her “G” spot is to sit or squat, because lying down positions the relevant spot further away. First stimulating your “G” spot can feel like wanting to urinate, so it is a good idea to start your explorations while sitting on the toilet. Once your bladder is empty, you will know that the sensation is caused by the “G” spot, and not by having a full bladder.

Using your fingers, apply firm upward pressure on the front of the internal vaginal wall, perhaps pressing down simultaneously with the other hand on the outside of the abdomen. As it becomes stimulated, the spot should start to swell and will feel like a lump between the fingers inside and outside your vagina. Extremely pleasurable contractions may sweep through the uterus and you may experience a deep, satisfying orgasm, which will feel totally different from a clitoral orgasm.

At this point you may also find that you ejaculate a small amount of clear fluid from the urethra. This is not urine, despite its appearance.

Since your partner can reach the spot more easily, it may be more effective if he stimulates you. Lie down on a bed with two firm pillows underneath your hips, with your legs slightly apart and your bottom a little in the air. Your partner can lie down, lean close against you, gently insert two fingers (palm down) and stroke the front vaginal wall.

Sexual positions that produce “G” spot stimulation are the woman-on-top and the rear-entry positions. When a woman is on top of a man, she can control the depth and direction of her partner’s penis, and can move forward or from side-to-side to guide it to the place that feels best for her. In rear-entry positions, the penis is rubbing directly on the front wall of the vagina in which the “G” spot is located.

A man can help by moving his own body and pressing the base of his penis to make sure that its head makes full contact with the “G” spot. The result of these movements can be a series of intense orgasms for both partners.

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Skeleton Beginning at about age two, boys grow approximately 5 centimetres (2 inches) per year until the age of 13 or 14, when the sex organs begin to develop. Adolescence brings with it a rapid gain in both height and strength. The growth spurt that accompanies puberty may last for a few years, and during that time most boys gain approximately 9 centimetres (3 ½ inches) yearly. At the end of this period of growth, the bones have grown harder, more brittle, and have changed in proportion. Once the shoulders broaden, the hips look narrower by comparison – a characteristic of the adult male.

Body hair Early in puberty, pubic hair appears at the base of the penis, and after a while, it starts growing on the scrotum as well. It may also grow around the anal area. Pubic hair normally grows in an upside-down triangle on the lower part of the belly, though it may reach the navel, and may grow outwards towards the thighs. About one or two years later, hair will appear in the armpits and on the upper lip. Pubic hair is longer, coarser and curlier than hair that has been on the body since birth. It may be a lighter or darker colour than that on the head. With age, it may turn grey.

In addition to curly pubic hair, hair appears on the arms, thighs and lower legs. Hair may appear also on the chest, shoulders and back, and back of the hands. Facial hair becomes thicker and darker as a man matures. The beard and moustache may be the same colour as the hair on the head, or different.

The amount of body hair depends on racial or ethnic background and family history. Caucasian men generally have more body hair than oriental or black men; and “hairiness” runs in families.

Muscles The thighs, calves, shoulders and upper arms begin to grow broader during adolescence, and strength increases, too. A grown man’s muscles are 40 times those at birth. The main determinant of body strength is body size, and muscle itself accounts for 40 percent of total body weight.

The genitals The testes grow very slowly until about the age of 10 or 11, following which there is a considerable acceleration in growth rate and growth of the external genital organs. In the fully grown male, the testicles are usually about 3.8 centimetres (1 ½ inches) long, between 16 and 27 millilitres (½ – 1 fluid ounce) in volume, and are duskily coloured. One testicle, usually the left one, hangs lower than the other. This is to keep the testicles from crushing each other when you walk. In most men, testicles are the same size, but in a few, one may be larger than the other.

Changes to the penis begin at a later stage than for the testicles. During a growth spurt, the penis gets larger (both longer and wider) and the glans, or head, of the penis becomes more developed. A grown man’s penis is usually between 7.5 and 10 centimetres (3-4 inches) long when flaccid.

Under certain conditions, for instance coming into contact with cold water or being out during cold weather, or if the man is feeling afraid or tired, the penis can temporarily shrivel somewhat. Old age, however, can cause it to become permanently a bit smaller in size.

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